Struggling but why????

I have been struggling for a couple of weeks now. For those that don't know, Dave had surgery and has been recovering for the last 4 weeks or so. That was not why I struggled but I must admit, I was not the caring wife I should have been. Too many times, I was frustrated at how his pain was affecting me. I was more focused on me being tired and having to be mom and dad than on my husband who was going through a really rough time. To make it even harder, even though Dave was in severe pain, God was using it to draw him closer to Him. Not that that is a bad thing by any means but I kept wondering why.... why was I being short, why was I feeling down and miserable, why is our support not being raised as quick as I want it to, why was I struggling to trust God for ALL things, why was I not "feeling" close to Him, why does He allow things to happen that put "our" plans on hold...
Hmm, sounds pretty selfish, doesn't it? All of the thoughts I was having were about me - what I could gain, what I could feel, what could happen for me. Then it hit me...
My time with the Lord was really limited for those weeks - I was not reading my Bible as much, I was not in prayer with my Savior. I was focused on me :(
It amazes me how so many times in my life, I have lost my focus, lost my first love -- not that I am not in awe of a God who has saved me from the pit and despair of Hell, but that I have not given Him first place in my life - in ALL things.
This week has been different for me. God is working in our lives in amazing ways! And you know what, I have been renewed and refreshed from my time with God.
I want to encourage you as well as keep a remembrance for me that our time with God needs to be our absolute #1 priority - our thought as we wake up should be how thankful we are to live another day to serve the One who gave His life for us! I want to hunger and thirst for God - I want to have a yearning so intense that I am not able to function without first spending time with my Savior. I truly want God to permeate my every being and be the woman, wife, mother, missionary, and child that He wants me to be!